Creating relationship goals that you, as a couple, can aspire to, sets you up as a team right from the get-go. Being a team—a partnership—provides each of you with a safety net. You have each others’ backs so that you don’t fall, and if you do, there’s someone to catch you before you get too hurt. Relationship goals are beneficial because you have an aim—something to work for that will enhance your partnership.[1] By having goals, you know when you reach them, when you fall short, and why. Goals keep you working—not working for me, me, me, but working for us, us, us. Below, I’ve listed some note-worthy goals to make your relationship happy, friendly, and solid.
1. Go Through the Rough Patches as Allies
Let’s face it, all couples go through hard times. But having a goal right from the beginning that you’ll be there for each other, not only during the fun and happy times but especially through the most challenging times, increases your chances of making it through. Set up a goal for those prickly times. Make it so that when the bad times hit, you pull closer together, not farther apart. Discuss this prior to the hiccups. It’s like having the fire extinguisher ready before the fire, not after the fire burns down the house. According to Karensuestudios, “the key to setting goals, is to set attainable goals. You start small and work your way up.”[2]
2. Become the Best Versions of Yourselves, Together!
Being in a relationship can become its own comfort zone. The things you used to do while dating may fall by the wayside. Maybe you stop caring about your appearance, or you start taking each other for granted. You both stop growing as individuals and as a couple. This can easily create a rut. Just because you’re with someone who loves you for who you are, that doesn’t mean you stop evolving. Never allow yourself to stop growing. The show must go on—you must go on. Keep learning, expanding, and reaching for higher ground. Doing this will keep you more interested in life, not to mention more interesting to your partner. This is how cracks in the marriage are avoided. “A healthy relationship is kind of like a trinity, two individuals create something deeper and better than themselves, yet they are still themselves. For a relationship to grow, you must also grow as an individual and not lose yourself. This can be really hard for mothers. They can get so caught up in work, husband, children, that they don’t know who they are anymore” —Silouan Green If you each become the best version of yourself, your partnership becomes the best version of itself!
3. Be Each Others’ Cheerleaders
There is no room for jealousy in a relationship. Sometimes, couples can be competitive, especially if they have high-powered jobs. Or there may exist some ulterior motives for why one partner might not want the other one to succeed. Supporting each others’ dreams and goals is essential to a marriage’s longevity. Be happy for each other. Root for each other when needed. That makes your partner feel supported, and it will encourage them even more. If each partner is happy, they are more likely to work on maintaining a happy union.
4. Dedicate Time to Each Other
When there are copious responsibilities to attend to, it’s easy to put your partner on the back burner. After all, you live together—you “see” each other all the time. You might think, “It’s okay. I’ll talk to them later, or tomorrow. No biggie.” But it is a biggie. Relationships need tending to. Your time together needs to be prioritized. If not, it’s too easy for other things to take its place. People can feel ignored and lonely in marriage. Dedicating time to each other is extremely important. It is how you stay connected—how you stay current in each other’s lives. Neglecting your partner because there are more “important” things to do will not keep your partnership grounded and solid.
5. Speak Well and Respectfully of Each Other
I’ve listened to many couples speak ill about their partner. You would think they’re talking about their arch-nemesis, instead of their honey. What happened? This is the person to whom you made googly eyes, remember? Talking about your partner’s flaws and painting them in a bad light is never productive. In fact, the person listening will not forget how bad your spouse is. so, the next time they see you together, they may think, “Poor Mirna. There’s that monster she married.” Having arguments is normal, but try to fix them between the two of you. Don’t drag others into the mix. Talking badly and disrespectfully of each other simply leaves a bad taste in other people’s mouths, not to mention yours!
6. Learn Each Others’ Love Language and Speak it
We all love in different ways, and we all like to be shown love differently. That’s why it’s important to sit down with your partner and find out how they want to be shown love. For instance, my husband taking my Jeep and filling it up is an act of service, which is a love language I really appreciate.[3] While I love the flowers he sometimes brings home, they’re not as exciting to me as having my car gassed up and ready to go. Some people are touchy, feely, while others love to be told they are loved in words. Make it a goal to find out what your partner’s love language is, then show them you love them in a way that will make them feel even more loved.
7. Try New Things Together
Be on the lookout to explore new territory. It doesn’t have to be mind-blowing, it just has to be new. My husband and I work out regularly, but I’m always searching for new things. So, this past Sunday, I said, “We’re not doing our regular workout today!” My husband just stared at me wide-eyed (he doesn’t like change), but I don’t care. I said, “Today, we’re trying a Bollywood workout. Let’s go!” I found a workout on YouTube, and for the next 30 minutes, we huffed and puffed, jumped and danced, and had a great time. After it was over, he turned to me and said, “Boy, that was hard and fun.” My son and his wife did something similar—rollerskating. To take the edge off the day-to-day grind, they decided to try rollerskating. Now they make it a date night every Monday night. They’re exercising, dancing, and sharing a new experience. Together! According to Maggie Peikon,[4]
8. Fulfill Your Vows and Commitment to Each Other
Wedding vows can be beautiful and moving. But what happens after the wedding is over, after the excitement wears off, and you’re now not dancing at your own wedding party, but living a regular life? Vows and commitments are important. As your marriage ages, things can get stale. The promise, “I will love you for always, and treat you like a Queen,” are just words recited on a special day. It’s the follow-through that’s important. According to the article, 5 Ways Your Wedding Vows Will Save Your Marriage,[5] Make sure that the vows you made on your special day are the ones you’re living in your married life.
9. Prioritize Each Other
Being in a relationship doesn’t always guarantee that you’re always going to be present and engaging. Today’s busy schedules often prevent that, but you must prioritize your partner. How do you do that? By actively doing things for each other. Clean up and do the dishes after dinner. Surprise them by cooking their favorite meal. Turn down the bed at night while they’re busy putting the kids to bed, etc. You get the picture. Come up with ways you can surprise your partner by doing little things. Make it a habit. According to Elizabeth Burke,[6]
10. Keep the Romance Alive
When you’re dating, you come up with the most amazing romantic things to do for your partner—watching sunsets, flowers, love letters, etc. But something goes awry along the way. Maybe it’s the work schedule, the familiarity, the kids, the dog, the family, etc. Whatever it is, it makes you forget that you’re lovers. But that’s exactly what you are: Lovers! And lovers need romance. Romance is just as important 10 years post marriage, as it was while you were courting. Why? Because after being married for a while, the struggle is real. Life can step in many times with problems that need to be solved. Romance is needed more than ever to bring some heart and soul when things get a little rough. As Carina Wolff said, “Just because you’ve finally settled into the comfortable stages of a relationship doesn’t mean it’s time to stop putting in an effort to keep things exciting.”[7] Note: Being romantic doesn’t mean expensive. It can just be the two of you spending time together sharing your dreams and aspirations; planning a trip, taking walks in a garden, a candlelight dinner, or just dinner together while talking about your day.
11. Spend Time Together and Apart
In a marriage, spending time together is extremely important, but it’s just as important as spending time apart. You may be in love, but you’re not glued at the hip. Your partner cannot be everything to you. They cannot provide everything you need. That’s too big a burden. Expand your relationship with other people–family members, friends, acquaintances at the gym, etc. Expand your circle. Your partner, of course, will continue to be your priority. But you can still enjoy different hobbies, different experiences, and different people. Then, come home and share everything with your honey. As you expand, so will your relationship.
Final Thoughts
Relationship goals are important because they give us something to shoot for. The health of a relationship depends on the love and effort poured into it. The more you work on it, the greater the rewards. Goals give you a target—something to aim for—that will strengthen your relationship. When you reach your goals, you know you’re on the right path, and when you don’t, find out what can be done to get you back on track. Relationship goals keep you working as a team—a team that feels united, strong, secure, and loving. What are some of your relationship goals? See if you can’t define those and implement them into your relationship. Featured photo credit: Scott Broome via unsplash.com
